Helen Keller would hate me

Hi, long time no see! I'm ALIVE! Yeah, this is the awkward part of the blog where I try and just jump back into it and hope that you didn't notice how long it's been since my last post. I'm pretty sure you noticed though. Anyway, here is a random list of things that has transpired since my last writing:

1.) I worked a lot.

2.) I got a new trainer at the gym.

3.) I almost died after my first workout.

4.) I almost died after my second workout.

5.) I didn't show up for the third workout.

6.) I went on vacation.

7.) I bruised my tailbone on vacation.

8.) I threw up on vacation.

9.) I went to my fourth workout.

10.) I can't feel my legs.

And that is my last couple of weeks in a nutshell. Are you impressed? You should be.

Today, I have decided to share with you a list of things that I want to complain about. I'm sure you don't want to read it, but I can't feel my legs AND I wore a white shirt in the rain today. That seems like enough excuses to be whiny. Right? Let's take a poll.

1.) I hate how people forget how to drive in Tennessee when it rains! For instance, on the interstate today, I felt as if almost every person around me had forgotten what their gas pedal did. "Oh gosh, I've hit 55 miles an hour perhaps I should slam on my brakes in order to slow down!"

2.) The express lanes at grocery stores bug me. They always have the longest lines. It completely defeats the purpose of an express lane. There will be 15 people in line with one item and all the other lanes will be open. Also, it never fails that someone who has lost the ability to count will get in the express lane. The sign clearly says 10 items and there is always that one person who likes to push the limit. "I have 20 small items. It won't take long."

3.) I don't understand why people continue to shoot off fireworks AFTER the 4th of July. Hey, you are no longer being patriotic and festive, you are being annoying! And to my neighbors who purchased ungodly amounts of useless bottle rockets, at least yell "God Bless America!" or "Let Freedom Ring" as you chase each other around the neighborhood with them. I'd be a little less annoyed.

4.) Emo kids. Really?? "Woe as me. I grew up in the suburbs. Both my parents love me. I have a dog named Scruff. I steal my mom's makeup and put it on the dark. I scrape my wrist with a safety pin to release the pain. I hate the sun. Hair cuts are overrated. My grandmother gave me $50 for my birthday. I dress just like my friends in an effort to be different. Life is terrible."

5.) And finally...I CANNOT stand when people have no idea that they are walking in the middle of the lane in grocery store parking lots. The lane is wide enough for two cars, yet a family of three somehow manages to block the entire thing. My favorite part is one of the family members suddenly realizes they are indeed in the middle of the lane and attempts to herd the rest of the family off to the side. Or another good scenario is when a couple decides to be all lovey-dovey in the middle of the lane and when you start creeping up behind them in hopes they will move they shoot you dirty looks for ruining their "moment". You know what, stop having "moments" in a parking lot and I'll stop ruining them.

I mean c'mon now! Look at all that room to scoot over! They are right in the middle!

Well I feel better now. I hope you enjoyed my rant(s). If you are a 20 item person, emo kid, half of the lovey-dovey lane taker-upper couple, terrible bad weather driver, or an after 4th of July fireworks shooter, I hope we can still be friends after this!