Does anyone else have difficulties ordering at McDonalds? I always have one of the following things happen:
Scenario 1: Courtney mistakenly thinks the person is indeed ready to take her order when they say they are ready.
McDonalds: "Thank you for choosing McDonalds. Today's feature is an extra large heart attack. Go ahead with your order when you're ready."
Me: "Yes I'd like a..."
McDonalds:"Hold on a minute, please!"
Scenario 2: Courtney gets interrupted.
McDonalds: "Go ahead with your order."
Me: "I'd like two sweet teas, and..."
McDonalds: "Anything else?"
Me: "Yeah, I'd also like two apple dippers, and..."
McDonalds: "What else for you?"
Me: (sigh) "And, I also want two Grilled Chicken Wraps."
McDonalds: ..........
Me: "And that's all"
McDonalds: "Okay thank you pull around!"
Scenario 3: In order to not be interrupted, Courtney decides to say the entire order at once.
McDonalds: "Go ahead with your order when you are ready."
Me: "I'd like two apple dippers, two sweet teas, and two grilled Ranch wraps."
McDonalds: "You want two apple dippers and what?"
Scenario 4: Courtney apparently mumbles.
McDonalds: "We are featuring our McGreasy McGriddle today. Go ahead with your order when you are ready."
Me: "I want a McDouble, cheese only, and a small fry."
McDonalds: "Two double cheeseburgers and a small fry. Anything else?"
Scenario 5: All the scenarios combine!
McDonalds: "Today's McSpecial is a triple McBurger. Go ahead with your McOrder when you're McReady."
Me: "Yes I'd like a..."
McDonalds: "Hold one a minute please!"
McDonalds: "Okay go ahead with your order."
Me: "Yes, I'd like two apple dippers, two sweet teas..."
McDonalds: "You want two apple pies and what else?"
Me: "No, I want two apple dippers, two sweet teas..."
McDonalds: "Two apple dippers, a sweet tea, and is that all?"
Me: "Two apple dippers, two sweet teas, and two grilled chicken ranch wraps!"
McDonalds: "Okay your total is $7.38. We are only taking cash at this time."
Me: "I'M GOING TO TACO BELL!"
Thursday, August 18, 2011
Monday, August 15, 2011
It was just supposed to be a 3 hour tour!!
Is it weird to go back and read your own blogs? I did this last night and I have one question for you people. Why are you still reading this crap?! I am the most random person, ever. I started the blog out as a "cookbook" thing, and we see how far that got. Then I decided I would do a daily list of random. Yeah, that lasted like a month. My final decent from my original plan was when I dropped Reader of the Week. What does that leave?? It leaves me typing away about useless random things. However, my last blog garnered 51 views so apparently I am doing something right! Kinda like Taylor Swift. Her voice sounds like a dying cat mated with an angsty teenage moose, but people still listen to her.
My dislike of Taylor Swift has been my only constant throughout the blog! This last joke was kind of hateful though. I am convinced that her song "Mean" was written about me. Does that make me vain? Let's ask Carly Simon. Carly, your thoughts?
That spiraled downward pretty quickly didn't it? I'm just gonna move on to the topic I had originally planned to talk about.
Guys, have you ever completely crashed and burned when trying to talk to a girl? I have created a list of reasons as to why you probably got slapped, laughed at, or received a fake number.
1.) Poor hygiene - Showers, take them. Regularly. Toothbrushes are your friend. Toothpaste on the toothbrush is extra bonus points. No female wants to be hit on by someone who thinks showers after the gym are overrated. No female thinks that your "natural scent" is attractive. And no female will ever tell you that your long fingernails are a turn-on. Buy some fingernail clippers and start hacking.
2.) The background on your phone is a picture of yourself - Strategically setting your phone down in front of her so she will see the mirror picture of your abs will not impress her. It will weird her out. I promise.
3.) Within the first 5 minutes of the conversation you referrenced your ex-girlfriend - This is never a good idea. I don't care if your ex-girlfriend died in a tragic shrimp boating accident, don't bring her up. No girl wants to be compared to some dead saint who was saving baby shrimp off the coast of Africa. However, if you bash her you will come off as woman hating a-hole. Just don't bring up any ex. Ever.
4.) You forgot to hide your "trophies" - Asking a girl to come over to your house to watch a movie is a good idea. Asking a girl to come over to your house to watch a movie and forgetting to take down the women's underwear on the wall is a bad idea. This really happened to me. I didn't just make that up. I don't really know how to elaborate on this one. Just don't hang up women's underwear I guess is the moral of that story.
5.) You mentioned your wife - First don't go trolling in bars if you are married, second don't say things like this "She is in a coma at Vandy. It's not cheating if she is pretty much dead right?" or "She beats me and I come here to escape."
6.) Your ringtone was set to "Let's Get It On" - If you are going to choose a ringtone that is not a standard one that comes with the phone make sure it is not creepy. Also, make sure it does not reference "sexing" anyone up or "slapping hoes". Surprisingly enough a ringtone says a lot about you.
7.) You referred to your mother as a "female dog" - Calling your mom terrible names usually indicates you have some sort of issue with women. If you hate your mom just keep that under wraps until the girl thinks you are perfect. Spring it on her then.
8.) You made no eye contact at all - C'mon guys at least try to look at her face.
9.) You used a pick up line - Pick up lines can be clever and will sometimes work. However, if the pick up line is not delivered correctly or is just bad to begin with it will never end well.
10.) You asked a really really dumb question - I know that guys sometimes blank out and they have no idea where the conversation should go next. This is no excuse to ask stupid questions though. Silence is almost better. Let's say you see a pretty girl at a gas station pumping gas. You want to strike up a conversation. Do not ask her "Is that your car?" Of course it is her car idiot. Did you just hear yourself?
There are WAY more reasons guys strike out but my attention span started to lose steam around #8. I hope in the near future you will remember this list and thank me.
My dislike of Taylor Swift has been my only constant throughout the blog! This last joke was kind of hateful though. I am convinced that her song "Mean" was written about me. Does that make me vain? Let's ask Carly Simon. Carly, your thoughts?
That spiraled downward pretty quickly didn't it? I'm just gonna move on to the topic I had originally planned to talk about.
Guys, have you ever completely crashed and burned when trying to talk to a girl? I have created a list of reasons as to why you probably got slapped, laughed at, or received a fake number.
1.) Poor hygiene - Showers, take them. Regularly. Toothbrushes are your friend. Toothpaste on the toothbrush is extra bonus points. No female wants to be hit on by someone who thinks showers after the gym are overrated. No female thinks that your "natural scent" is attractive. And no female will ever tell you that your long fingernails are a turn-on. Buy some fingernail clippers and start hacking.
2.) The background on your phone is a picture of yourself - Strategically setting your phone down in front of her so she will see the mirror picture of your abs will not impress her. It will weird her out. I promise.
3.) Within the first 5 minutes of the conversation you referrenced your ex-girlfriend - This is never a good idea. I don't care if your ex-girlfriend died in a tragic shrimp boating accident, don't bring her up. No girl wants to be compared to some dead saint who was saving baby shrimp off the coast of Africa. However, if you bash her you will come off as woman hating a-hole. Just don't bring up any ex. Ever.
4.) You forgot to hide your "trophies" - Asking a girl to come over to your house to watch a movie is a good idea. Asking a girl to come over to your house to watch a movie and forgetting to take down the women's underwear on the wall is a bad idea. This really happened to me. I didn't just make that up. I don't really know how to elaborate on this one. Just don't hang up women's underwear I guess is the moral of that story.
5.) You mentioned your wife - First don't go trolling in bars if you are married, second don't say things like this "She is in a coma at Vandy. It's not cheating if she is pretty much dead right?" or "She beats me and I come here to escape."
6.) Your ringtone was set to "Let's Get It On" - If you are going to choose a ringtone that is not a standard one that comes with the phone make sure it is not creepy. Also, make sure it does not reference "sexing" anyone up or "slapping hoes". Surprisingly enough a ringtone says a lot about you.
7.) You referred to your mother as a "female dog" - Calling your mom terrible names usually indicates you have some sort of issue with women. If you hate your mom just keep that under wraps until the girl thinks you are perfect. Spring it on her then.
8.) You made no eye contact at all - C'mon guys at least try to look at her face.
9.) You used a pick up line - Pick up lines can be clever and will sometimes work. However, if the pick up line is not delivered correctly or is just bad to begin with it will never end well.
10.) You asked a really really dumb question - I know that guys sometimes blank out and they have no idea where the conversation should go next. This is no excuse to ask stupid questions though. Silence is almost better. Let's say you see a pretty girl at a gas station pumping gas. You want to strike up a conversation. Do not ask her "Is that your car?" Of course it is her car idiot. Did you just hear yourself?
There are WAY more reasons guys strike out but my attention span started to lose steam around #8. I hope in the near future you will remember this list and thank me.
Thursday, August 11, 2011
Warning: Sarcasm runs rampant in this post
Facebook. It makes me want to chuck my laptop out of the nearest window. I sometimes feel ashamed to own an account after signing on and reading some of my friends and friends of friends status updates. You might ask, "Why don't you just delete the weirdos?" I don't want to. That's why. It's like a car crash. I want to look away, but I just keep staring.
5 Reasons Facebook Makes Me Want to Burn My Laptop
1. Mirror pictures - Get a friend and have them take the picture for you. Your muscles, cute outfit, and new tattoos do not look good in a mirror picture. The phone is a big distraction in the picture. Stop it.
2. Mirror pictures with attention craving captions - "I feel so fat, blah!" or "Don't I look horrible after a run?" No, no you don't. If you did you would not post it on Facebook.
3. 15-year-olds - "OMGZZZZZ, Bobby totally just looked at me!!!!!!!!!" Your over use of exclamation points is annoying. No one is ever that excited. Bobby probably thinks you are a stalker now too. Oh, and put some clothes on in your profile picture. Pedophiles have Facebooks.
4. Unreadable status updates - "no1 can read mi status's" , i dnt use vwls whn i typ" , "I odn't poofread after i post soemthing"
5. The "everyday is a bad day" friend - You know who I'm talking about. This person never has a good word to say about their day or life in general. Typical status updates are generally along the lines of this: "when it rains it pours" , "maybe tomorrow will be better" , "some days I just don't want to get out of bed" , "my dog got run over again" , "life sucks and then you die" Okay we get it. Your life is awful and now I want to come wallow in your self-pity with you. Let's put on some Alanis Morissette, eat ice cream on the couch, and watch "Old Yeller".
5 Reasons Facebook Makes Me Want to Burn My Laptop
1. Mirror pictures - Get a friend and have them take the picture for you. Your muscles, cute outfit, and new tattoos do not look good in a mirror picture. The phone is a big distraction in the picture. Stop it.
2. Mirror pictures with attention craving captions - "I feel so fat, blah!" or "Don't I look horrible after a run?" No, no you don't. If you did you would not post it on Facebook.
 |
| Looking hideous today, ugh! |
4. Unreadable status updates - "no1 can read mi status's" , i dnt use vwls whn i typ" , "I odn't poofread after i post soemthing"
5. The "everyday is a bad day" friend - You know who I'm talking about. This person never has a good word to say about their day or life in general. Typical status updates are generally along the lines of this: "when it rains it pours" , "maybe tomorrow will be better" , "some days I just don't want to get out of bed" , "my dog got run over again" , "life sucks and then you die" Okay we get it. Your life is awful and now I want to come wallow in your self-pity with you. Let's put on some Alanis Morissette, eat ice cream on the couch, and watch "Old Yeller".
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