Warning: Sarcasm runs rampant in this post

Facebook. It makes me want to chuck my laptop out of the nearest window. I sometimes feel ashamed to own an account after signing on and reading some of my friends and friends of friends status updates. You might ask, "Why don't you just delete the weirdos?" I don't want to. That's why. It's like a car crash. I want to look away, but I just keep staring.


5 Reasons Facebook Makes Me Want to Burn My Laptop


1. Mirror pictures - Get a friend and have them take the picture for you. Your muscles, cute outfit, and new tattoos do not look good in a mirror picture. The phone is a big distraction in the picture. Stop it.

2. Mirror pictures with attention craving captions - "I feel so fat, blah!" or "Don't I look horrible after a run?" No, no you don't. If you did you would not post it on Facebook. 

Looking hideous today, ugh!

3. 15-year-olds - "OMGZZZZZ, Bobby totally just looked at me!!!!!!!!!" Your over use of exclamation points is annoying. No one is ever that excited. Bobby probably thinks you are a stalker now too. Oh, and put some clothes on in your profile picture. Pedophiles have Facebooks.

4. Unreadable status updates - "no1 can read mi status's" , i dnt use vwls whn i typ" , "I odn't poofread after i post soemthing"

5. The "everyday is a bad day" friend - You know who I'm talking about. This person never has a good word to say about their day or life in general. Typical status updates are generally along the lines of this: "when it rains it pours" , "maybe tomorrow will be better" , "some days I just don't want to get out of bed" , "my dog got run over again" , "life sucks and then you die"  Okay we get it. Your life is awful and now I want to come wallow in your self-pity with you. Let's put on some Alanis Morissette, eat ice cream on the couch, and watch "Old Yeller".