My dislike of Taylor Swift has been my only constant throughout the blog! This last joke was kind of hateful though. I am convinced that her song "Mean" was written about me. Does that make me vain? Let's ask Carly Simon. Carly, your thoughts?
That spiraled downward pretty quickly didn't it? I'm just gonna move on to the topic I had originally planned to talk about.
Guys, have you ever completely crashed and burned when trying to talk to a girl? I have created a list of reasons as to why you probably got slapped, laughed at, or received a fake number.
1.) Poor hygiene - Showers, take them. Regularly. Toothbrushes are your friend. Toothpaste on the toothbrush is extra bonus points. No female wants to be hit on by someone who thinks showers after the gym are overrated. No female thinks that your "natural scent" is attractive. And no female will ever tell you that your long fingernails are a turn-on. Buy some fingernail clippers and start hacking.
2.) The background on your phone is a picture of yourself - Strategically setting your phone down in front of her so she will see the mirror picture of your abs will not impress her. It will weird her out. I promise.
3.) Within the first 5 minutes of the conversation you referrenced your ex-girlfriend - This is never a good idea. I don't care if your ex-girlfriend died in a tragic shrimp boating accident, don't bring her up. No girl wants to be compared to some dead saint who was saving baby shrimp off the coast of Africa. However, if you bash her you will come off as woman hating a-hole. Just don't bring up any ex. Ever.
4.) You forgot to hide your "trophies" - Asking a girl to come over to your house to watch a movie is a good idea. Asking a girl to come over to your house to watch a movie and forgetting to take down the women's underwear on the wall is a bad idea. This really happened to me. I didn't just make that up. I don't really know how to elaborate on this one. Just don't hang up women's underwear I guess is the moral of that story.
5.) You mentioned your wife - First don't go trolling in bars if you are married, second don't say things like this "She is in a coma at Vandy. It's not cheating if she is pretty much dead right?" or "She beats me and I come here to escape."
6.) Your ringtone was set to "Let's Get It On" - If you are going to choose a ringtone that is not a standard one that comes with the phone make sure it is not creepy. Also, make sure it does not reference "sexing" anyone up or "slapping hoes". Surprisingly enough a ringtone says a lot about you.
7.) You referred to your mother as a "female dog" - Calling your mom terrible names usually indicates you have some sort of issue with women. If you hate your mom just keep that under wraps until the girl thinks you are perfect. Spring it on her then.
8.) You made no eye contact at all - C'mon guys at least try to look at her face.
9.) You used a pick up line - Pick up lines can be clever and will sometimes work. However, if the pick up line is not delivered correctly or is just bad to begin with it will never end well.
10.) You asked a really really dumb question - I know that guys sometimes blank out and they have no idea where the conversation should go next. This is no excuse to ask stupid questions though. Silence is almost better. Let's say you see a pretty girl at a gas station pumping gas. You want to strike up a conversation. Do not ask her "Is that your car?" Of course it is her car idiot. Did you just hear yourself?
There are WAY more reasons guys strike out but my attention span started to lose steam around #8. I hope in the near future you will remember this list and thank me.
No comments:
Post a Comment