Who needs enemies when I have my best friend

Blimey! It has been a bloody beautiful day today. I was chuffed to bits when I woke up this morning full of beans and not feeling knackered! Okay enough of that waffle, let's take a shufti at the daily list of random.

1.) Unless you live under a rock, you know that today was the Royal wedding. In honor of this momentous and slightly useless occasion, I wrote my greeting in British slang. I had planned to write the whole blog that way but the greeting took me 20 minutes, and I'm not sure if I used the words right.

2.) This week's Reader of the Week is.....Teresa Fisher! Ms. Teresa really came through for me on Wednesday. I had to work third shift on Tuesday night so she did my Meals on Wheels route for me in the pouring rain! Ms. Teresa your reward for being the ROTW is a free pass on your Monday route. If you ever need me to do it for you I'm available! You're welcome!

3.) Today is Fun Fact Friday! Contain your excitement! Here it is....

 Princess Diana had her navel pierced - and fitted with a 2.8-carat diamond stud. 

 

Today's blog is going to be about my adventure to Rivergate mall today. About a month ago I received a coupon in the mail for a free underwear from Victoria Secret. If you know me, you know that "free" is my favorite word. You can imagine my dismay when I realized last week that my precious coupon was expiring! I formulated a plan to spend $15.00 in gas to redeem my free pair of underwear today. Don't judge my logic. I needed running shoes too!

I decided instead to invite my best friend, Cory, and force him to drive thus saving my money. He needed jeans and a t-shirt anyway so I'm not that bad of a person. After a quick Google consultation, it was decided that Rivergate was indeed closer than Stones River. So off we go to Rivergate, or the Ghetto Mall. This is when we encountered our first adventure. The youngster beside us in a teal green Saturn with an obnoxious muffler that sounded like it was "tooting" decided that he wanted to race. Why? I don't know. 

So the guy drives by and has his window rolled down. He gives the "let's do this" head nod. We in turn give him the "you're a dork" head shake. The guy then proceeds to speed off in search of another car to race. Cory, not to be outdone by a 19-year-old, proceeds to go 100mph down Old Hickory Blvd until he does a "fly-by" of this guy in the Saturn. Everyone remember my fear of bridges? Okay now imagine my fear as we fly over that old bridge on OHB. I'm pretty sure I left an indention of my fingers on the arm rest.

The Saturn guy wasn't going to let it rest though. He weaved in and out of traffic until he was able to fly by us with one last nod of the head and a "toot" of his muffler. He thought he was cool and that's all that mattered. 

So we made it to Rivergate unscathed. I needed some running shoes so I went in Champs in search of them. As we were walking out of Champs (empty handed) a couple walked out of the "urban" store. They were odd right off the bat. She was a large girl with corn rows and he was a very skinny guy with saggy jeans. But it didn't stop there. He had tight rolled the bottom of his baggy jeans. Yes, you read that correctly. A.) Who tight rolls jeans anymore and B.) who tight rolls saggy/baggy jeans? We followed them for a few minutes attempting to take pictures. This is the best one we could get.

If you squint you can see that they are tight rolled just above the ankle and then the bottom is flipped up. He had a good 6 inches of ankle showing and about the same amount of boxers showing at the top. I think him and his girlfriend heard the camera because they became dodgy and wouldn't stand still for a picture. 

Sadly, I left the mall with only my free underwear and a blurry picture of a stranger's jeans. None of the shoe stores had my shoes! But at least I didn't waste money on gas! Oh and did I mention that I almost died? My "best friend" decided to pass gas, get out of the car, and then locked me inside. It was awful. My life flashed before my eyes. 

And that ends my adventure to Rivergate Mall. The moral of the story is "no matter how much gas you will save or how fearful you are of driving in heavy traffic, never take a man-child to a mall."

Ice cream is more satisfying than a crown anyway

Hello Readers! I have severely slacked on blogs this week. I've woken up every morning with a very sore throat that renders me useless until 2:30 when I peel myself off whatever I'm laying on and drag myself into work. Due to my lack of enthusiasm and sheer exhaustion the daily list of random is not going to be that interesting. I apologize in advance.

1.) In an effort not to become a total slug today I drug myself from the couch and took my car to Premier Auto Spa and had it cleaned. Groupon was doing a special offer where you could spend $12 on a $24 package. My car was cleaned inside and out for only $12. I was very impressed with the results.

 

2.) I skipped "What I'm Loving Wednesday" because, let's face it, there was nothing to love about yesterday.

3.) Today is Thankful Thursday. I was complaining earlier that I was woken up by some roofers working on a house across the street from me at 7am. However, I realized I should have been thankful I had the chance to wake up in my own bed. I know there are families in Alabama that didn't have a place to stay last night.

The other night I was watching Glamour Belles. It is this extremely addicting show on Lifetime about this dress shop called Joann's in Union City, TN. 

 

Joann's has dressed almost every major pageant winner in the state of Tennessee. While the show itself is filled with horrible southern accents and small town drama the dresses are always gorgeous. It actually made me miss the pageant life! I think I mentioned before I was in pageants.

I loved the preparation for the pageants. It was so much fun picking out the dress and getting my hair fixed. Look at all the rollers in my hair!

Anyways, while watching the show I was struck with the brief idea delusion that I should get back into the pageant scene! (I conveniently forgot that I had tried when I was 19 and hated every minute of it.) However, at my age, I would only be eligible for the Miss Tennessee pageant. I even went as far as to make a list of things I would need to do to even get that far. The list is long and depressing.

1. Get hair extensions and dye hair blond
2. Have teeth professionally whitened
3. Learn to walk in 4 inch heels
4. Spray tan
5. Lose 10 pounds
6. Buy expensive dress
7. Discover a talent
8. Do charity work for Children's Miracle Network
9. Purchase Miracle Bra
10. Win Miss Music City 2011 in August

I think most of the goals are obtainable, but I cannot do #10 if I do not have #7! After almost 23 years of not having a talent it is highly unlikely that I could create one in 4 months. Upon realizing this, I decided to lay my dreams of pageantry to rest and be content to watch Glamour Belles and eat my way through a pint of ice cream. *sigh*