Dinosaurs do not get paychecks!

Since none of you felt the need to toss your nomination into the ring for Reader of the Year, I will not be addressing that topic in this blog. Just know...I am displeased.

Moving on from your insolence...I wanted to share with you a few inspirational quotes I found online while searching for a quote worth plagiarizing for my Facebook status. During my quest I stumbled upon this quote....

When one door of happiness closes, another opens, but often we look so long at the closed door that we do not see the one that has been opened for us.- Helen Keller


Does anyone else find this ironic? Or is it just me? Okay, let's keep going with the quest for inspirational Facebook statuses.

The best way to make your dreams come true is to wake up. - Paul Valery

• So my dream about riding a magical unicorn across the night sky will come true when I wake up?! SWEET!

There is no failure except in no longer trying. - Elbert Hubbard

• Now, when I feel like dropping the bar on my chest and hoping for a quick death; I can remember this quote, and it will remind me that death in a self-inflicted weight lifting "accident" is failure. 

It is idle to dread what you cannot avoid. - Publius Syrus

• I have to disagree with Publius here. It is not idle to dread a large spider. I can avoid a spider. I can avoid a spider with the best of them!

You must look into other people as well as at them. - Lord Chesterfield

•  I understand what Lord Chesterfield is saying here, but I can see how this can be taken a little to literally. I mean look at this guy!

 

Imagination is more important than knowledge. - Albert Einstein

• Tell that to the kid who wanted to grow up and be a dinosaur! 
  

 

 

 

Donuts don't stand a chance!

Have you ever had so many thoughts going through your head that you just felt the need to write them down and share them with people on the internet? Well, get ready for the most random blog yet.

1. I have henceforth decided that there will no longer be a "Reader of the Week". Instead, I have decided to choose one lucky reader to be "Reader of the Year". Right now I am taking nominations. In the lead is Elke Porter with her amazing youtube find that she shared with me.

If you would like to nominate yourself for ROTY, you can look back on previous blog postings for ideas on how to get in my good graces. Good luck to all of you!

2. Remember how I told you that I had a trainer at the gym now? Yes, well....he wants to change my eating habits. He told me....it's so hard to type this....he told me I have to give up...JUNIOR MINTS! I feel so lost sitting here eating pineapple instead of Junior Mints. It doesn't seem right.

Look at how much more complicated this is! I have to unscrew the cap, find a ford, stab the pineapple, make sure I don't drip juice on me, and then screw the cap back on. With a box of Junior Mints all I had to do was open the box and eat the mints. Do you see where I am going with this?! Yes, that's right. Eating healthy is complicated. I knew you'd see my point.

3. There is a box of donuts sitting to my right. They are also much easier to eat than pineapple too. However, the force is strong in this one!

4. I am mad. I had a REALLY deep and insightful point to make here and after I spent 10 minutes typing it out the computer froze, kicked me off the internet, and didn't save what I had written! You know what, I'm not going to write it again. It was good too. You can all thank Mozilla Firefox for ruining this blog.

5. Okay, that was a bit melodramatic. However, I am still not going to retype everything. On a different note, I have decided that my nephew is the most adorable child to ever grace this planet. If you are a mother/father and are reading this...well, you just need to accept this fact. I mean, look at this picture!!

6. I've been flipped off a lot this week by strangers. I think it is because I am a good driver and they are not. I merely suggested with hand gestures to someone that they should indeed proceed me through the intersection even though I was clearly there first. They did not appreciate my kind gesture and flipped me off. I also told another driver with hand gestures that going 30 in a 40 was not safe. They also flipped me off. I was being so nice in these two situations and I only received inappropriate responses! People these days!

7. I don't like sandwich bags. Hear me out on this before you think I'm weird. I don't think it's the sandwich bag I dislike, I think it is the decision I have to make on portions that I hate. I'm always afraid I'll never put enough in the bag and I'll be hungry! Like today for instance, I just grabbed the entire bag of chips because I was starving at that time. Bad idea because now here the chips sit staring at me. But, had I packed a sandwich bag my mind would have told me that was not nearly enough. See my predicament?

Wow. I am almost ashamed of this post. It is the most random thing I do believe I have ever written. Why are you still reading this? Did you skip to the end? I would have.

Helen Keller would hate me

Hi, long time no see! I'm ALIVE! Yeah, this is the awkward part of the blog where I try and just jump back into it and hope that you didn't notice how long it's been since my last post. I'm pretty sure you noticed though. Anyway, here is a random list of things that has transpired since my last writing:

1.) I worked a lot.

2.) I got a new trainer at the gym.

3.) I almost died after my first workout.

4.) I almost died after my second workout.

5.) I didn't show up for the third workout.

6.) I went on vacation.

7.) I bruised my tailbone on vacation.

8.) I threw up on vacation.

9.) I went to my fourth workout.

10.) I can't feel my legs.

And that is my last couple of weeks in a nutshell. Are you impressed? You should be.

Today, I have decided to share with you a list of things that I want to complain about. I'm sure you don't want to read it, but I can't feel my legs AND I wore a white shirt in the rain today. That seems like enough excuses to be whiny. Right? Let's take a poll.

1.) I hate how people forget how to drive in Tennessee when it rains! For instance, on the interstate today, I felt as if almost every person around me had forgotten what their gas pedal did. "Oh gosh, I've hit 55 miles an hour perhaps I should slam on my brakes in order to slow down!"

2.) The express lanes at grocery stores bug me. They always have the longest lines. It completely defeats the purpose of an express lane. There will be 15 people in line with one item and all the other lanes will be open. Also, it never fails that someone who has lost the ability to count will get in the express lane. The sign clearly says 10 items and there is always that one person who likes to push the limit. "I have 20 small items. It won't take long."

3.) I don't understand why people continue to shoot off fireworks AFTER the 4th of July. Hey, you are no longer being patriotic and festive, you are being annoying! And to my neighbors who purchased ungodly amounts of useless bottle rockets, at least yell "God Bless America!" or "Let Freedom Ring" as you chase each other around the neighborhood with them. I'd be a little less annoyed.

4.) Emo kids. Really?? "Woe as me. I grew up in the suburbs. Both my parents love me. I have a dog named Scruff. I steal my mom's makeup and put it on the dark. I scrape my wrist with a safety pin to release the pain. I hate the sun. Hair cuts are overrated. My grandmother gave me $50 for my birthday. I dress just like my friends in an effort to be different. Life is terrible."

5.) And finally...I CANNOT stand when people have no idea that they are walking in the middle of the lane in grocery store parking lots. The lane is wide enough for two cars, yet a family of three somehow manages to block the entire thing. My favorite part is one of the family members suddenly realizes they are indeed in the middle of the lane and attempts to herd the rest of the family off to the side. Or another good scenario is when a couple decides to be all lovey-dovey in the middle of the lane and when you start creeping up behind them in hopes they will move they shoot you dirty looks for ruining their "moment". You know what, stop having "moments" in a parking lot and I'll stop ruining them.

I mean c'mon now! Look at all that room to scoot over! They are right in the middle!

Well I feel better now. I hope you enjoyed my rant(s). If you are a 20 item person, emo kid, half of the lovey-dovey lane taker-upper couple, terrible bad weather driver, or an after 4th of July fireworks shooter, I hope we can still be friends after this!